Understanding Couples Therapy: A Psychodynamic Approach

Most of us never learned the basics of relationships in school. We didn't take classes on expressing our feelings or keeping relationships healthy over time. We might work hard on our careers, but put much less effort into the relationships that matter most to us.

When Couples Therapy Can Help

When relationship problems become the main source of stress in someone's life, couples therapy often makes more sense than individual therapy. The difference is significant: in individual therapy, we explore your inner world and unconscious patterns. In couples therapy, the relationship itself becomes the focus. We work on how you communicate, handle disagreements, and show understanding toward each other.

Much of my job involves teaching practical skills. I help couples learn to really listen to each other and develop empathy. We practice ways to calm down heated arguments and fight more constructively. I often encourage partners to talk directly to each other during sessions, not just to me. This brings the real issues into the room where I can see what's happening and step in when needed. I get to watch the subtle shifts in their conversation—where they get stuck, how fights spiral out of control.

The Deeper Patterns

As a psychodynamic therapist, I also believe it's important to understand each person's history and how those histories collide in the relationship. When two people fall in love and build a life together, it's never random. Each person brings patterns learned way back in childhood.

We often replay in our current relationships what we saw in our parents' marriage or experienced with our own parents. These patterns keep showing up, relationship after relationship, throughout our lives. When we can spot these patterns and understand where they come from, we can start to change them in healthier directions.

Here's where it gets interesting: when we understand what triggers each person and how those triggers connect to childhood experiences, something shifts. Each partner develops a deeper understanding of the other. They become more aware of how their own behavior affects their partner. This opens the door to real emotional closeness.

Patterns Across Generations

These relationship patterns get passed down through families until someone decides to work on them in therapy. Think about how complex this gets: each person brings patterns that trace back not just to their own childhood, but to their parents' and grandparents' relationships too.

A husband might do something that triggers his wife in the same way her father triggered her mother. The wife might react in ways that remind the husband of his own family dynamics. Usually, these patterns aren't obvious at first. But over time, with a trained therapist's help, they become clearer and workable.

The goal is for both partners to experience a deeper, more satisfying relationship moving forward. By working through these patterns together, couples can break free from cycles that may have trapped their families for generations.